The key to active listening Is understanding how we listen, what preconceptions, and what experiences we are working with. What we have learned and adapted from the world around us starts at a young age.

The majority of people I meant don’t understand from where we listen.

4 Mindsets We Listen From:

1. We listen with, our past experiences – things that have happened in our life both positive and negative.

2. We listen with, the culture we were brought up in,
   The does and don’ts, traditions, expectations, and beliefs our culture lays out for us.

3. We listen with, how we have been taught, by our parents, teachers, religious leaders, extended family members, and so on. We listen with how we have been taught to think and look at the world around us.

4. We also listen with our shoulds – we should think this way, we should act like this...
   I have a great example of how our shoulds could ruin a great celebration.

    

A great example that depicts #4 is about a friend of mine and a party she threw this one Christmas. I will call her Michelle.
Michelle threw an amazing party and invited all her friends over for a pre-Christmas celebration. It was a fabulous time, with great food, music, great people, and fun. As everyone left, they thanked her and let her know how much fun they had at her party. A couple of weeks later I went by for a coffee to catch up and she was very upset. I asked what was bothering her and she proceeded to tell me that she was upset that no one had sent her a thank you note for the party. I must admit I was a bit confused and possibly in trouble as I had not sent her a thank you card either.

After further conversation, I realized she had an expectation that after you attend a party you SHOULD send a thank you card to your host and if you didn’t you were brought up by barbarians. You see, Her mother taught her this should, “you should always send your host a thank you note after a party, or you are a barbarian.”

Active Listening means being able to listen with an open mind, hearing what is actually being said, not what we think is being said. Repeating what we have heard to confirm we have correctly understood the meaning. If you are listening with your SHOULDS you are not listening with an open mind. You are passing judgment on someone else’s way of doing things.

This will impact how you listen, interpret, and communicate as a LEADER.
Ask yourself this question “how am I really listening when others are speaking”?

Remember everything you have learned to this point in life will impact how you listen and how you react to what is being said.